I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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