I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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