My liver just broke up with me...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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