Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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