giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
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Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.