Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
