hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.