she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it