you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dating After Heartbreak
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Let's paint friendship bongs
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?