i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen