You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
