dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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