my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
