2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
where are my pants?
in the oven.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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