My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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