Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
