and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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