Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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