why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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