i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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