My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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