And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
