do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
