I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
