It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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