Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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