I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
