it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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