so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Drunk is not a location!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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