dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
