Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
