Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
