I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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