there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
