good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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