how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize