bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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