If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
