I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there was a trapeze. enough said
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
