I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
