Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
