Already got asked if we're dating
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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