Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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