GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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