whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
