just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
