who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
