I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
