Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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