Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Do vagina's smell?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
