Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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