Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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