There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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