She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
