yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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