Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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