I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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