how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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