Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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