Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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