I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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