I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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