The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
