K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
