i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
