Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
