oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
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He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize