so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?