Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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