i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
