You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
