What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
