i was born a porn star she said
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
